A Conversation
by myahoo
Summary: Oneshot. Spoilers up to 208. Possibly OOC. Rated for language. Allen, frustrated and tired, gives Neah the option to take over. Instead, the Noah has a conversation with another part of Allen's personality.


Disclaimer: Don't own D. Gray-Man or I wouldn't be writing fanfiction, now would I?

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><p>As he lay down to sleep for the night, he realized something: he was so tired and he wasn't sure why.<p>

For the past month, all he had been doing was running. Running from the Order and the Noah, from his friends and from Apocryphos, from town to town and shadow to shadow. He didn't stay anywhere for long, a night or two, maybe a week, if he was lucky, but then he would be gone, onto the next town or city or village; maybe even the next country. But he knew how to live like this; he'd done it with the circus and with Mana and with Master. Truthfully, he'd spent most of his life on the move, so it was almost comforting to return to a familiar lifestyle. So, no, the constant relocation wasn't what sapped his strength.

Nor was it a lack of food. He knew how to earn money to get food and he did. He worked honestly for people, and, when that wasn't enough, he cheated those loan sharks and gamblers out of their money. He never bought all his food from one place either; that was just asking for trouble. And if that wasn't enough, he knew how quick his fingers could move and what someone could eat between towns, so the search for food didn't tire him out.

Maybe it was the feeling of being hunted down, of enemies everywhere, of uncertainty and suspicion and constant wariness, but he felt it was more than that. True, he now had two major sides of the war searching for him, but he knew how to disappear. Both Mana and Master had been chased by others (Mana by the Earl, and Master by the Order and his debt collectors), so he'd learned the disappearing act quickly. If he didn't want to be found, he wouldn't be; he'd left almost no trails behind and neither the Order nor the Noah knew as much as they would need to track him down. The only one who could have was Master, but…he wasn't here. So, though he was pretty sure he couldn't be found, he continued to look over his shoulder anyway.

A small part of it was from the loneliness. True, he had Tim with him, but there were no other familiar voices that traveled with him. That hit him hard because he hadn't even thought much about that when he left Lenalee on the other side of the gate. There was no Kanda to argue with, no Lavi to laugh with, no Lenalee to help out, no Johnny to talk to, no Krory to chat with, no Miranda to cheer up, no Komui, no Reever, no Bak or Fou, no Bookman or Link or Jerry or Marie or Timothy or…anyone really. Not even Master (which had him wondering if he was _that_ desperate to have company that he would willingly travel with Master again). It was just him and Tim, going from place to place.

But when he opened his eyes to find himself in that black-and-white world again, he found his answer. Neah. The Fourteenth was the reason he was so tired. His constant fight against his internal enemy, the constant pushing and shoving were wearing him down much faster now that he was alone than it ever had while he was at the Order. And he was sick of it.

"Hello again, Allen." Neah said, standing easily in front of him. "I didn't expect to see you so soon."

"What are you talking about? Why did you bring me here, Neah?" Allen replied, relieved to find himself standing instead of bound to the chair between them like he had the first time they had met.

"I didn't bring us here. You did," Neah commented, taking a seat on the chair's arm and leaning back. "You didn't realize?"

"I wouldn't have asked if I had realized," Allen retorted, irritation barely noticeable.

"Now, now, dear nephew, no need to get short with me," Neah answered, humor audible in his tone. "Though I am curious, why did you bring us here?"

The Exorcist ignored the first comment. "I…I don't know. I don't even know how I did it; it just…happened." His shoulders slumped and his tone turned bitter. "Just like in the Ark."

"Hmm…" The Noah was quiet for a bit, watching his nephew. "Well, if that's the case, what were you thinking of before you brought us here?"

"What does that have to do with this?" Allen replied, immediately on the defensive. He didn't want to say what he had been thinking of earlier; it was a danger to himself and to his friends.

"These sorts of things are linked to your emotions, your wishes. If you want something to happen enough, then it will," Neah explained.

Allen was quiet for a bit. "Like on the Ark?"

Neah shrugged carelessly. "Yeah."

He blew out his breath and reluctantly spoke. "Fine." Allen looked away from Neah and glared at one of the bare white trees. "I was tired of being the one chased because of other people's problems and I was wishing that you would deal with it instead of me."

Neah almost fell over at the admission. "You, what?" He blinked uncomprehendingly at his nephew.

"You heard what I said; I'm not saying it again." Allen returned his gaze to Neah and waited for the Noah's response.

"But what happened to 'don't stop; keep walking'?" Neah demanded. His nephew didn't just give up, right? It was just a little break under the pressure, right? Since he'd woken, he'd been watching his nephew and this wasn't like the boy at all; he never gave up until the events came to pass.

"That was before I got lost." Allen sat down on the other arm, leaning against the back alongside Neah. "I don't know where I'm supposed to go anymore and 'survive' isn't much of a goal when I've had 'protect' and 'save.'"

"But-but, you can't just give up," Neah exclaimed. "What about your friends who are waiting for you? What about those two Bookmen who haven't returned?"

Allen snorted. "I thought you'd be happy for the opportunity, not trying to get me to change my mind."

"Mana was my brother before I was a Noah and he loved you. So, for him, I am your uncle before I am Neah," Neah replied seriously, golden eyes fixed on Allen's gray ones.

"So you say," Allen said, as he stood up, "so you say." He turned and walked towards the bare white trees, heading deeper into the shadows of his mind. Neah leaped to his feet.

"Wait, where are you going?" he yelled after his nephew, honestly scared. Mana would kill him if he let the boy give up, especially if he was the reason Allen gave up.

"Have fun evading both sides," Allen called back, lifting his hand in salute.

"Dammit, Allen! Get back here! And I have no idea _how_." Neah stood helplessly near the chair. Even though he had spent a good sixteen years in his nephew's mind, he still didn't know all the secrets and hiding places and traps within it, considering he'd been asleep for most of that time, so he'd never been able to see what had happened to his nephew before the fight with the Level Three. Besides, those disappearing skills were ones the boy had picked up before Neah'd woken up, so he didn't know those either.

"You'll figure it out" came the response. There was a few seconds of silence. Then:

"Where the hell y'goin', coward?"

Neah blinked at the child that walked out from behind the chair to yell at Allen's back. He looked about seven with red-brown hair and uncaring gray eyes, wearing clothes that were dirty and faded. The kid himself looked a little beat-up and hardened, and Neah could tell that this kid had already gone through a lot.

"Di'ncha decide when Mana died that you'd live for him?" the kid continued and Neah thought he saw Allen hesitate, but he continued walking away. "Stupid bloody bastard," he muttered before turning to Neah. "And who the blazes're you? I've never seen you before."

"Uh…I'm Neah. I'm Mana's brother. Who're you?" Neah figured it couldn't hurt to be polite to the kid, though he'd never seen him before.

"Oh, so you're the one that made Mana all loopy in the end," the kid commented, eying Neah warily. "Name's Red. What's up with the arse?" He nodded his head towards Allen.

Neah blinked again and felt his heart ache for his brother. He hadn't quite realized how much his death would have affected Mana. "Apparently, Allen is tired of being everyone's scapegoat and wants me to take responsibility of the current situation."

"I don't blame the guy," Red replied. "Poor bastard's always being thrown to the wolves or used as a replacement. Guy's gotta break sometime." He scuffed his shoe in the dirt, scowling at Allen's back. "Doesn't mean it's not damn near galling to see him walk away from it."

Neah had the feeling that Red understood Allen much better than he did at the moment. "What do you mean?"

The kid clambered up to the chair arm that Allen had been sitting on and let his legs dangle before he explained. "Well, the Allen you know? That's just a puzzle that he put together after Mana died, so it's really a buncha pieces of Mana and a handfula traits from before. That clown's death shattered the poor bastard; couldn't do a single thing without help. He'd just sit there, staring off into space. That red-haired devil of a master was the one who kept him alive while he was brain-dead, you know. Once he comes around, he picks his favorite parts of Mana and almost nothing from before and makes himself a new personality, which is the one you see now."

So Allen hadn't always been so…Mana-like? That was interesting to note, but it didn't explain Red's last comment, unless…"Were you the personality from before, Red?" Neah asked.

Red gave him a brief, bitter smile. "Right in one. The arsewipe bastard just drops me completely outta the picture because I was the one Mana was fucking trying to 'fix.' Not that there was anything wrong with me, but since I didn't fit with the new damned personality he wanted, I was cut out." Red spit at the ground. "Didn't stop him from fucking 'borrowing' the skills he'd learned from before, bloody damned bastard." Red took a deep breath and waved in the general direction that Allen walked. "Of course, now look at him. The coward turns his back on everything he says he believes in and everything he's been fighting for for the last seven years. Because he doesn't have a goal! Damned brainless idiot."

"He has to go back though," Neah said, a little desperately. "I've had my chance at the Earl and I failed it. It's his turn now and, while I would love to be the one who finishes the Earl off, it's his choice. Besides, I don't think I would be able to take the body, especially with Mana's curse _and_ the Innocence in it."

"Yeah, but he'll be back," Red replied, as he lay flat on the chair's armrest, leaving his right leg dangling. "The guy's got a damned hero complex; he won't be able to stand leaving all those poor souls bound to Akuma. He just needs a break." Red settled down and closed his eyes. "And he needs to remember that there was a time when 'survive' was his only goal and he made it through. Though this time the goal's a little bigger than 'survive,' regardless of what he told you."

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><p>When Allen woke up the next day, the feeling of exhaustion had vanished; he could survive this, just like he had before, and there would be something wonderful at the end of it. He was still being hunted by both sides of the war, he was still constantly on the move, he still had to find ways to feed himself without looking too suspicious, and he still had no other friends with him. But that conversation and the time he'd had for himself had helped him find his way back to his path. This war <em>would<em> end and he _would_ return to his friends; he'd promised himself that.

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><p>Sooo, a oneshot that came outta practically nowhere. Okay, well, it was supposed to be Allen, frustrated and fed up, shoving control to Neah and Neah and Red convincing him to take it back. 'Course, considering the fact that I was writing this when I should have been studying for midterms or writing for my main story, I kinda cut it short.<p>

Anyway, the idea came to me after returning to the archive, spotting the name Neah, rereading the series last weekend and returning again to the fanfic archives to see if the archive had changed at all. Which they really hadn't. Then I found out about the D. Gray-Man Reverse novels giving young-Allen the name Red and I went trawling through the archives for a good Red fic. After reading a couple other stories and a couple days passed, I got this idea.

…alright, you probably didn't want to read that, so I'll stop rambling and procrastinating. Hehe, sorry to RH readers again; this looks to be becoming a habit, but I will try to get the next chapter out soon. Preferably before it hits six months again, right?

So, standard notes: I don't have a beta. Just so you all know. I'm not really asking for one either, but I'd appreciate any constructive criticism given about the characters and writing. Also, if some words are missing or the formatting seems a little screwy, could you tell me? FF's document manager isn't the best system when uploading.

Hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading, and leave a review on your way out, if you want.

Originally Posted: October 23, 2011


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